i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize