Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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