you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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