This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
