just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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