at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
