i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
