you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
