The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
