also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
