I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
