oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
