He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
