Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
