I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
