Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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