chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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