Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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