If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
