My Higher Power is John Stamos
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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