He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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