is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
