I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
