6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
where are you?
Hypothermia
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
