I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
