I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
