Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
