i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
