it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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