whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
