Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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