I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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