tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
