why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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