I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
