you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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