I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
no you cant smoke seaweed
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
