I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
