So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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