i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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