I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
