His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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