My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
