Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
