she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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