I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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