I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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