She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
