Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
