You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
