so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
accomplished twins. life is a go
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
