They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
