you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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