Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
