Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
