I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
