did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm really busy with my period
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