low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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