She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
is it fun? or sober?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
