I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
