The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
