Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
