Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
