Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
