I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
whose parrot is this?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
