o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
