he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
