I wannas sexs uuuuu
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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