Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
