Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
