I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
